Helping shape our children's self-esteem takes commitment and knowledge of effective parenting techniques.
First, parents need to have a clear understanding of self-esteem. Recently I heard it defined in this manner:
Self-esteem is the process of setting a value on yourself, appreciating your worth, knowing you are a valued person, having a quiet sense of self-respect.
A colleague who specializes in child psychology recently presented information to me that I would like to share.
Individuals with high self-esteem:
-- Are able to appreciate and respect the worth of others.
-- Are confident of their own competence.
-- Believe they matter to others.
-- Have fewer illnesses and worries.
-- Are generally happier and more successful.
-- Are able to deal with crises.
-- Are able to make better and more responsible decisions.
People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, have the following characteristics. They:
-- Avoid doing things for themselves.
-- Have difficulty accepting compliments.
-- Have difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions.
-- Tend to have accepted labels like dumb, stupid or ugly.
-- Feel distant from those around them.
-- Set themselves up for failure. They expect to be cheated.
- Need almost constant verification and validation from others.
Finally, people who have an exaggerated sense of self-esteem:
-- Have an inflated ego, can do no wrong.
-- Usually talk about themselves and their accomplishments a lot.
-- Usually are masking feelings of inferiority or need for approval.
Emphasizing three variables - security, significance and confidence - will help children feel secure. Parents can work toward building their children's self-esteem by following these guidelines.
-- First, believe in yourself as a parent and adult. A parent who himself radiates inadequacy tends to perpetuate the cycle of low self-esteem.
-- Second, parents need to provide unconditional love for their children. No rules and no limits should be prescribed; no doubts should be left in the child's mind about the parent's love for him.
-- Parents should communicate clearly with the child and be active listeners. Parents should not always provide solutions. They need to be honest and admit if they make a mistake or don't understand something.
-- Parents should display respect to the child. Parents who don't exhibit this mutual respect run the risk of letting the children become manipulative and play one parent against the other.
-- Show your child that you believe in him.
-- Honestly accept your child's limits and gifts. Remember that as a parent, your job is to ensure that your child becomes the most he or she can be.
-- Help develop your child's strengths by finding his talents and helping him to develop them.
-- Help your child become successful. Help him find things he can do well. Let him become involved in these activities.
-- Help your child understand that he can learn from a less-than-sterling performance. Less-than-successful does not mean failure.
-- Help strengthen your child in weaker areas.
By concentrating on security, significance and confidence, parents can help raise healthy, happy and successful children.
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(Dr. Hap LeCrone is a Waco, Texas, clinical psychologist. If you have questions or topics you would like Dr. LeCrone to discuss, e-mail him at hlecrone@aol.com.)
(The Cox web site is at http://www.coxnews.com )
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